As you may or may not have noticed, I haven’t been blogging very much over the past couple weeks. That’s because I feel like I’m drowning, almost literally, in everything that I need to do. Much of it is computer-related and so the few minutes of time I get on the computer are consumed by those things and blogging gets pushed further and further back. I still have plenty I want to write about but most of that writing just gets done in my head these days. Any serious blogging (outside of quick picture posts) has been done when I’ve stayed up way too late and that’s costing me too, in terms of sleep. Not the best decision, I know.
I’ve been really frustrated recently with how little it feels like I’m accomplishing relative to my to-do list, not knowing what to cut out, knowing that it’s all important, but having to admit that I can’t do all of it. Today I’ve been forced to admit to myself that I’ve had WAY too high expectations about what I was going to be able to accomplish as a mom of two. I struggle with this daily, thinking “Mark is almost 9 months old, what’s my problem? Why can’t I get more done?” Today, I came across this article and it spoke a lot to me in terms of giving myself the permission to mourn the productive me that I was before kids and even with only one kid relative to two. I think I need to accept that it’s OK to be sad and/or to think longingly about the person that I once was, even while realizing that I’m doing exactly what I need to be doing right now.
I just have to figure out what to give up, what to cross off the to-do list permanently, and what to keep. I honestly don’t want to give anything up but I think I need to.
How to you decide what to say yes to and what to turn down, when they’re all good things?
(Part of this is that Mark is teething like a mad man and has me up MULTIPLE times a night, not to mention the [insert-really-bad-cuss-word-here-if-I-was-the-cussing-kind] recycling truck that came at 4:24 this morning and woke him up. I was so mad at that I could have thrown a brick through our window at it. So I am operating on very little sleep. This all might look a lot better next week when we’re [hopefully] sleeping better with tooth #3 safely popped through. We can just barely see it now so I’m hoping the worst of it will be over soon.)