If you happen to live in my Papa and Granny’s old house and you happen to see a flock of penguins outside, it’s probably best that you don’t let them in your house and try to make them into pets because if you do, you’ll probably end up with bugs on your walls and then you’ll have to call the authorities and when they come, they’ll be driving horse-drawn wagons from the farmer’s market and then they won’t really do much about the penguins except post warning signs and give you a poster that you’re supposed to tape all the dead bugs to.

It’s really best that you just don’t let them in at all.

(And yes, I really do have some bizarre dreams sometimes.)