It’s possible that none of this would have happened if I’d actually remembered that I was supposed to read Scripture in church yesterday. If I had, I would have read the passage in advance, practiced, looked for the difficult-to-pronounce words and prepared myself. Instead, during the meet and greet time, probably five minutes before I am supposed to read, I remember. I hand Ellie to Nik, grab a Bible and a bulletin (to figure out what I am supposed to read) and speed up to the front. While I am waiting, I skim through…”OK – a few hard names, no problem, yep, Achan steals the silver, hides it, gets caught, he and his family get stoned, OK I got it.”
I stand up in front, “Good morning church. Today’s Scripture reading is from the book of Joshua, chapter 7, verses 10-26.”
And I begin to read, slow and measured, pausing at the commas and the periods, asking the questions, trying to help the church hear, as I see, God’s word. Slow to allow it to sink in, slow to allow it to really be heard.
And I read how the Israelites were called forward tribe by tribe, and then clan by clan, and then man by man, and then household by household, and then man by man again until Achan is taken. And Achan confesses. He admits that the lure of the riches was too strong and he disobeyed the word of the Lord and took the silver and the gold and hid it under his tent.
And Joshua asks, “Why did you bring trouble on us?”
And I read how they gathered all that belonged to Achan – his sons, his daughters, his donkeys, his oxen, and all that he had and they took them to the plain and they stoned them all.
And as I am reading, “his daughters,” I hear Ellie calling for me in the back of the church and my eyes fill with tears and I realize, “His daughters. His daughters had to die too.” And I get choked up and I have to stop and as I pause, I hear Ellie calling for me again, which certainly does not help my composure. And the tears come, in front of the whole church and I just can’t help it. But somehow, I pull it together, I get through the last verses, and I sit down.
And I think, “I know today, in America at least, sons and daughters don’t have to die because of the sins of their fathers. But what of the fatherless children in so many of our cities? And what of the orphans who don’t have parents? And what of the mistakes that we make as parents and the consequences that our children must bear?”
It is a heavy weight sometimes, this task of parenting.
Salmon and Souvlaki 
Oh, parenting is such a responsibility, and absolutely none of us get it right all the time. Grace is so important, to give to others who make mistakes, as we ourselves wish to be granted grace to learn and grow. My parents made mistakes raising their children, I have certainly done things with and to my children that are painful to look back on, and I hope that my children grant me that grace. I’m so glad for Philippians 1:6 – God started a good work in me, and He won’t stop refining me until the end! Meanwhile, I ask Him often to redeem and transform my mis-steps with my children, and to use the pain I unintentionally caused or allowed, to refine them also. Let Him share the weight of your parenting. He is able.
When I read your post this morning, I had both a mix of joy for you in hearing Ellie say, “mamamamamama,” and the sadness that you were feeling while reading the scripture. I’m sure everyone was pretty moved by your emotion. The song, “This is my Father’s world,” came to mind and had it in my head all this morning! I thought I’d share:
This is my Father’s world,
and to my listening ears
all nature sings, and round me rings
the music of the spheres.
This is my Father’s world:
I rest me in the thought
of rocks and trees, of skies and seas;
his hand the wonders wrought.
This is my Father’s world,
the birds their carols raise,
the morning light, the lily white,
declare their maker’s praise.
This is my Father’s world:
he shines in all that’s fair;
in the rustling grass I hear him pass;
he speaks to me everywhere.
This is my Father’s world.
O let me ne’er forget
that though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father’s world:
why should my heart be sad?
The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!
God reigns; let the earth be glad!
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